Now is a great time to get honest about the purpose behind your bulimia. I’m convinced we humans are wildly smart, hell bent on survival, and don’t do things repeatedly that don’t serve us in some capacity. Before you can let go of your eating disorder for good and reconnect with your soul, it’s imperative you become aware of its underlying purpose. I wrote the following journal entry as I was getting close to quitting bulimia. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was just a few short months before my final episode.
What I love about my Ed and will need to grieve in recovery:
I’m happy to get rid of my Ed as it has robbed me of:
It’s a pretty sobering list. Once I put it down in black and white, I could see the scales were tipped extremely in one direction. My Ed was taking far more than it was giving. Once I saw that, I was able to relax my grip. It also became clear that my bulimia was all about fear—fear of the past, present, and future. Fear of situations. Fear of people. Fear of myself.
I realized that everything I wanted in life couldn’t exist in the face of all that fear. Where there is fear there is no love, yes? Conversely where there is love, there is the absence of fear. So I set out to step through my fears so I could experience the love waiting on the other side. What are your fears? Where could you infuse them with the love they need to dissipate?
You’ve got this!